Day 10

I forgot to tell you all that I learned a new term yesterday, you might want to sit down for this one... insoluble ambiguity. What do you want from me? It's the feds, that's my only explanation. It essentially means that the subject (phrase, sentence, paragraph or collection thereof) is so unclear that no matter which way of many that you choose to interpret it you are still unsure of its meaning. Hope that clears it up for you.

One thing about this job that I think I am really going to enjoy is that you get to argue semantics with lawyers. What the patent applicant means doesn't really count for much, it's what he/she writes down in their application that counts. If they meant it but didn't write it down then it doesn't count. We get to argue the difference between "a" and "the". I know I've done my job if the lawyer starts to get mad at me. I can't wait!

Day 9

I volunteered for something today that I know nothing about. It's something about fund raising for some charity but I have no idea what. All I know is that everybody in the lab was mum when our trainer asked for a volunteer. I just looked around at these sad sacks and thought what the hell? It's just new, it's not scary, get over it.

All that is supposed to start on the 1st. That's on top of all the lectures that we are taking not to mention I started going to the gym at my apartment complex every day. Things are getting really busy but that's good.

The only bad thing so far is that we don't get our first paycheck until the 11th. I'll just have to tough it out until then. Buy stock in Ramen Noodles.

Day 8

I aced another test today only proving what a fluke yesterday was. Also figured out what kind of production is expected out of me. None right now since I am in training but come week 9 they expect 80% of 70% of someone who's 3 promotions ahead of me. What do you want? It's the government. Don't matter, I am gonna' try and give them 110% anyway, it will help me get all primed up for my first promotion in 6 months and then another one 6 months after that and if I keep up that pace of 110% then 2 years from now I'll be at that level that is 3 promotions ahead of me.

That's one of the great things about this place, you don't have to wait for someone to die in order to get a promotion. If you meet the requirements, you get the job no matter what. I also have 20 cases on my docket already but I can't look at them yet, just their titles and numbers (don't ask me for either, I can't give them to you. ttyl

Day 7 (I am a Failure)

Ok, so I'm not really a failure but it got you here so read on intrepid explorer!!

Every once in a while, we have to take a quiz based on our lectures and we had 2 today to make a total of 4 so far. Well, on the first one I got 33% -- that's not a typo, 33%. In my defense, it was a very poorly designed test and I'm not saying that just because I did so poorly.

First -- Not one of the 9 questions had anything to do with either the lecture or the notes we were given in reference to the lecture. It was like you studied the 50 states and their capitals and the first test question was about the volume of a cylinder (I know, I know, Pi*r^2*h but relax, this is just an example).

Second -- There were so many typos it was almost unreadable.

Third -- In the 9th question, there was text that was meant to help with questions 5-9 but you weren't aware of this until you got to question 9, which meant of course that when you got to question 9 you had to go back and rethink everything starting at question 5.

It was a horrible, horrible quiz and everybody thought so. The worst part is that there is reason to believe that the last class complained about the same things and they never reviewed it. Good news is that these quizzes don't really count for anything as far as I can tell.

Just to prove that it was the quiz and not me, here are my results for the 4 quizzes:

Quiz 1 - 85.5%
Quiz 2 - 100%
Quiz 3 - 33.3%
Quiz 4 - 100%

You ask anybody and #3 is a statistical anomaly, an outlier way past 3 sigma, you can throw it out and everything is cool. Never mind that you need at least 30 results to do that.

And now for something completely different:


Check out my super sweet work station

Pretty swank.

Here's my neighbor's with one of the monitors turned for document viewing:

And, just for Jeff, the thing comes with a 3.4GHz processor.

Day 6

We got our harassment talk today -- Don't be skeevy. It took them an hour to tell us that and I already knew it so I was pretty bored. They did tell us how to properly read a patent application though so that was pretty important.

I should be able to see my first 5 cases tomorrow so I am pretty excited about that. I also found out what department I am in but at this point it is only a number, I don't know what it means yet. I hope to figure it out in the morning.

We got to see the pay scale for 2007 as well and it turns out that I am eligible for 2 accelerated promotions which means that I can get 2 promotions in the next year. Pretty good stuff. Hopefully more good stuff tomorrow.

Dragon Fruit: Not just what they used to call pink dragons.

So this is a dragon fruit:


I saw it in my local Harris Teeter's grocery store and figured what the hell? I like weird stuff. I had no idea what it was going to taste like so I thought I'd put the results here in case anyone else was interested.

Slaying the dragon:

So the inside looks a lot like a kiwi except white instead of green. There are probably thousands of seeds inside this thing and it seems really juicy.




Scooping and what happens when you drop said scoop:

It scoops just like a kiwi, maybe even a little easier. It doesn't seem to be as fibrous as a kiwi is, not as firm. You can tell because when I dropped my scooped piece on the plate, seeds went flying everywhere.

The taste is very mild, somewhere between a pear and a kiwi with maybe a little watermelon mixed in there. I have no idea how to tell when they are ripe, I guess I just got lucky.



The aftermath:


I ate the insides all the way down to the skin but it started to lose flavor on the way. The first scoop was the sweetest. Also, from the inside, the skin is brighter than the outside.

Well, that's my review of the dragon fruit.
Advice for the day: Try something new, you might just like it.

Day 5

Well, two historic events as of this morning. First, it was the first time ever I shaved 5 days in a row and second, it was the first time ever I went to work for a whole week and didn't drive one day! The apartment offering that shuttle is a stroke of brilliance. I hope whoever thought of it got a raise.

Anyway, it was a pretty good week. The biggest hurdle is figuring out the life insurance, health insurance and retirement plan. I guess that's what the weekend is for. I gotta figure out what else to do for the weekend too. I'm gonna' call Bill's brother-in-law who lives in the area and see if we can get together somewhere/time. I'll be sure and let you all know how the weekend goes.

Day 4

Nerds on Patrol
L to R
Alex, Kwing, Yours Truly (accept no substitutes), Jorge, Dan, Ernesto, Ali, Amene, Janine, Scott, Jason, Tom, Sizo and Quinn.

So the little play went fine today, they all laughed in the right places so I guess that's good. BTW the picture was taken by our instructor (George Nguyen) in the lobby of the main USPTO building.

Not much else to report, there won't be any new projects this week. We spent most of the day in lecture today and will do the same tomorrow. We gotta learn about a bunch of laws: 35 USC 101 tomorrow and then 35 USC 102, 35 USC 103, and 35 USC 112 after that. There's a bunch of other stuff that doesn't mean anything to any of you thrown in there for good measure.

Day 3

Well, since the lawyer was coming in today we all had to wear a suit and tie and pick 4 people to represent our position on the patent application (we rejected it). Well, 2 of us wanted to do it just for the experience (I was 1 of the 2) and it was like pulling teeth to get the other 2. We were basically begging people to join us. Everybody's standard answer was "Well, I'll do it if nobody else wants to." Sissies.

Anyway, we got 4 and the attorney came in and he agreed with some of our arguments but disagreed with others. He was throwing around terms that of course none of us were familiar with (talk about deer in headlights). Well, turns out he wasn't an attorney at all but a USPTO employee. Haha! Big funny! Whatever, now we had an opportunity to learn even more from him.

After all that nonsense we found out that we needed to present what we had learned to all groups (8 of them) tomorrow morning -- we also found out that it didn't have to be dry. They wanted funny, a skit, a song, anything to liven it up. So of course I take the big pad of paper (think Win, Lose or Draw) and start storyboarding a funny little skit. What does everybody else start doing? Watching me. I mean come on!! Try thinking for once, take the lead on something. Whatever, I just keep drawing and everybody is saying how much they like it but I'm saying "Don't go with mine just because I started first, do a power point, something!" No doing, they all had no ambition all of a sudden. No matter, single me out, all the glory, all the blame -- I can handle that.

Then, once I was done and we picked out the people to play the parts (I'm the big mean scary lawyer) this little prick who was just out of school starts coming up with all these new ideas at the last minute which would have been fine if they had been any good. He wanted to put pirates and lightsabers and video games into the damn thing! Now don't get me wrong, If I heard there were a video game with lightsaber wielding pirates in it, I'm first in line. But these were all just random thoughts, a stream of consciousness fueled by the 136 pixie sticks I am sure he had for lunch because he wouldn't shut up. Dude, when people walk away from you whenever you start talking it's because they don't want to hear it. He has all the ambition in the world but ambition without one good idea, or the willingness to try and improve on a bad idea, or the balls to actually do it, is worthless!

Day 2

Well, I got my first look at a patent application which, I can't tell you about. It's only a test run anyway. They basically gave us the application, some other applications and approved patents, the law and asked each group (I am in 7 of 8) "Does this pass?". Each group needs to have a write up by 10:45 tomorrow and then at 1:00 we have to defend our decisions against a bunch of scary lawyers.

Needless to say, I am not at all worried. I'm not even supposed to know what I am doing yet anyway so I can't do it wrong. The best part was when my group sat around and discussed whether or not it should pass. You know how I love the debate. There are some people I am going to have to set straight in the morning.

Finally made it to D.C.

I took the Metro into D.C. and was much more successful than I was with my car. I walked all up and down the National Mall and ended up inside a castle -- I never would have seen that coming. Turns out it was part of the Smithsonian (along with almost every other building on the Mall). It was pretty cool, I went into the National Archives too.

That place was filled with everything, even report cards from some past presidents, the hall for the Constitution was a pretty powerful place. It really makes you feel the grandness of the documents.

I walked to the Washington Monument which is taller than I ever expected. Unfortunately all of the (free) tickets were gone so I couldn't take the tour. I'll have to get there earlier next time. I ducked into the Natural History Museum but ducked right back out -- that place will take a whole day. Then onto the Lincoln Memorial but first the WWII Memorial.

The place is really amazing, absolutely beautiful but not without letting you know why it's there. It's almost smack dab in the middle between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial, then the reflecting pool is between the WWII Memorial and the Lincoln Memorial. Click here for lots of pics.

Then I took the long walk along the Reflecting Pool to the Lincoln Memorial and it really reminds me of how the Greeks housed the statues of their Gods. A giant room accessible from only one side and when you walk in, Lincoln just dominates the entire space. It's really amazing. After that, I started walking back towards the National Mall to catch my train but on my way I saw that a National Park Ranger was giving a tour of the WWII Memorial. I only stayed for half of it because by then my feet hurt and I was pretty tired (I think i walked about 10 miles) so I left for home.

I'll leave you with one of my favorite pics of the day.

Being completely at fault doesn't make me any less mad

Well, I needed to go out to get some stuff and it was a nice day so I decided to go into D.C. and check out the Washington Memorial. Let me tell you, If you've never experienced a traffic cloverleaf.....................................don't!

It wouldn't be so bad even considering that they are everywhere if it weren't for the fact that if you don't merge with traffic in about 10 car lengths you're back on the freeway in the other direction. So you're doing about 25 mph on a 270 deg. turn and are expected to merge and accelerate to about 60 mph in 10 car lengths! Let's do a little math here:

10 car lengths = 140 ft
25 mph = 36.66 ft/sec
60 mph = 88 ft/sec

All this means that you have, with constant acceleration, between 2 and 3 seconds to merge into traffic -- and that's if there is even a spot. The penalty for failing in this attempt at lunacy is that you are now going the wrong direction and mad as hell. It was when I realized that me getting angrier and angrier was lowering my blood sugar that I decided it was time to call it quits. If the weather is still as nice as it was today, I'll try again tomorrow, but this time on the metro.

They love the cloverleaf so much here you'd think Thomas Jefferson was a God damned leprechaun.!

Finally done!!!

Well people, I am finally moved in and since posting pictures here is kind of a pain, I will put one here and put the rest on flickr

Said with a sarcastic yet sharply honed tongue

Ok, enough cracks about the pictures of boxes (for those of you who have been cracking). They are not just pictures of boxes, they have a purpose -- a picture is worth a 1000 words after all, here are a few of them...

The first picture of boxes was just to show you the enormity of what I was taking with me. The second picture of boxes (once in the apartment) is to show you the enormity of my genius. I mean, how many people do you know that can see a furnished apartment, once, and be able to tell immediately, while packing over 500 miles away, exactly what will fit and what won't? And how many people can write a grammatically correct run-on sentence like that one?

It takes pure genius in the art of spacial recognition to be able to pull off something like that, so lay off all you doubters! This includes all of you who questioned me taking that big desk which I successfully got into my 2nd floor apartment, no elevator, by myself. To prove the extent of my genius, I will be posting pictures of the apartment either tonight or tomorrow.

Things are moving forward

I got an e-mail from the US Patent & Trademark Office (from here on referred to as USPTO) today inviting me to fill out some thing that they need done before I start. Glad to know they still want me! The only thing is that I have to fill out dates and addresses of employment exactly the same way that I did in my application. I am pretty sure that I printed a hard copy of my application -- now I just have to sift through my boxes to find it to make sure that all of the info is the same.

I met my upstairs neighbors last night, Dee and Tony. Dee was down by my patio with a flashlight looking for a CD that Tony had dropped from above. No luck though, probably rolled under my patio, lost to the gremlins. They seemed nice though and Dee told me that I couldn't find a nicer complex to live in if I tried and she's been a VA resident for 27 years so I think I can trust her.

I am almost totally unpacked. There's 6 boxes left and then just general cleaning and sorting. It'll probably take a day just to get my desk in order (though I did buy a chair for it today, nice to be able to sit and type again). I promise to add pictures once I get everything put away where it goes instead of in the middle of the floor.

Moved! Sort of...

Well everybody, I made it safe and sound to Virginia. Moving in was kind of rough. I had help packing the truck on Saturday, got 2 hours of sleep and started the drive. I took three naps on the way; the third being the longest, a whole 90 minutes. I finally got to the apartment and was able to start moving in at 12:30.

About 4 hrs into the move, a cop came by and asked me about the car carrier in the road. Now I had parked the carrier in front of 3 empty parking spots. The cop said he had gotten a call and that if I didn't move the carrier he would have to cite me! I told him that I only had 2 other things to move out of the truck and that it would take longer to secure the stuff in the truck to allow me to use the truck to move the carrier than it would to just move my stuff and then use the truck. He said that I had to move it but I got the feeling that he knew this was a bullshit phone call. He wanted me to be able to finish moving my stuff, he just couldn't say that out loud.

Well, I got all my stuff moved in.
And I even got a cool new doormat.


And here's the view from my patio.
If you look really closely, there's actually a hole in that tree that you can see through!

So obviously, the cable guy came today which is how I can post this (this paragraph is not a link to anywhere, it made it a link through no fault of my own and I don't know how to un-do it yet). I am getting my entertainment center set up right now and I promise to post more later.